The New York Times published an article this week "Letting Your Grad Student Go " on the phenomenon of helicopter parents in graduate schools admissions. Yes, I mean graduate, not undergraduate, admissions.

I have a dual perspective on helicopter parenting. I have been working in graduate admissions as a private consultant for the last fifteen years, and I also am the mother of five children ranging in age from 21-28. As the article reports my baby-boomer peers, the mothers and fathers of millenials, are playing more and more of a role in the application process.

As a consultant I have no problem with parents calling for information, footing the bill for Accepted's services, and providing advice and input to their adult children when the children request it.

As a parent, however, I cringe when parents insert themselves into the admissions process and attempt to control it in a misguided attempt to protect their children from possible disappointment or perhaps even perceived failure. While the desire to shield children from experiencing disappointment is understandable, it would be so much more constructive for their children, if the parents selectively support their children's goals and help them deal with disappointment when it inevitably comes their  way. Parents will neither always be able to prevent their children from feeling pain nor around to kiss the boo-boo and make it better. Kids need to learn how to handle setbacks.

Furthermore, parents who take over the application process are sending multiple negative messages.

1. To the school they are saying, "We don't have enough confidence in our children to let them manage the application process (or their affairs) on their own."
2. To the child they are saying "We don't have enough confidence in your ability to handle your affairs so we are going to take over this critical part of your life."

Regarding #1, if parents don't have the confidence that their adults children can manage their own affairs, why should school have confidence that they will be the leaders of tomorrow?

More concretely, I spoke today to an admissions officer at a top business school. She told me of parents and other older relatives coming to pre-application information sessions and to post-acceptance admit weekends. The older relatives were asking more questions than the accepted student.

That makes a bad impression.

If you are an applicant reading this post, then just as the NY Times says, set limits for your parents and older members of your extended family.

• All communication with the school should be between you -- not your parents, aunts, uncles, or grandparents -- and the school.
• Consider carefully your parents' advice on school and professional options. They want wants best for you. However, parents are human too and they are not infallible. You are going to live your life, work in the profession you choose, and attend the school you go to. Not your parents. The decision is yours and you will bear the consequences -- good or bad.
• Never take your parents to an admissions interview.  

Parents, if you are reading this post.

• Your child is an adult. Demonstrate confidence in his or her ability by letting them run their life.
• Offer advice when sought and occasionally even when not, but respect your adult children's ability to run their life. It doesn't reflect well on your parenting skills if they can't make important decisions.
• Help you child deal with disappointment -- be it a rejection or poor score -- by helping them to explore alternatives and examine the factors they can change to improve the outcome in the future. Don't play the blame game.

For more on these themes, please see:

• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Dr. Carol S. Dweck
• Raising Resilient Children by Dr. Robert Brooks and Dr. Sam Goldstein (More for parents of younger children, but the principles still apply.)

By Linda Abraham, founder and president of Accepted.

1) Have a study game plan. As you probably know, cramming does not help you learn in the long term or the short term. Make a test prep schedule on your Outlook or Google calendar that carries you from now to test day. Block off specific times for studying, and include benchmarks to help you keep track of your progress. For example, if your start point is 530 and you’re aiming for a 680, how many hours of prep are you willing to put in to make this a reasonable goal? Preparing well in advance will not only help your score, it will help you feel relaxed and confident when you sit down to take the test.

2) Win the war, even if you have to lose a few battles. Going into the test with the goal of scoring an 800 is a surefire way to sabotage yourself. If you get stumped by the first question, you'll spend too much time on it, and you'll have no time or confidence for the rest of the test. The key to scoring high is accepting beforehand that you may get a few questions wrong. Brush off tough questions with a quick "oh well" and refocus on the next question with 100% confidence. Don't let tiny setbacks ruin your chances for an excellent score.

3) Take a practice GMAT with the AWA. Really. Many people think they spent so much time honing their essay skills in college that they don't need to worry about the AWA. They know that their AWA scores don’t directly affect their GMAT scores. But keep the stamina factor in mind.  Writing an essay for a class is a far cry from writing an essay in a high-pressure test environment. We highly recommend taking GMATPrep CATs with the essays first. Jumping into Quant right off the bat is one thing; spending a full hour brainstorming and writing feverishly, then hitting Quant and Verbal is entirely another. Test day should not be the first day you do anything. Even Hemingway would have wanted to take at least one CAT with the AWA.

Knewton.com offers live online GMAT and LSAT prep courses. Visit their website for more information or for free practice tests and sample questions.

It's Thursday again and time for our next Thank You Thursday winner on Twitter!

WSJmba / Diana Middleton

153 followers · from New York, NY · Management education reporter at the Wall Street Journal

Congratulations on winning your choice of Accepted.com Admissions Ebooks!

We want to thank our Twitter followers. Twice a month, we randomly pick one of our followers as a winner in our Thank You Thursday contest. The Thank You Thursday winner will receive an Accepted ebook of his or her choice. Just our way of saying - "Thanks for Tweeting with us"!

Not on Twitter yet? Join now to stay up to date on the latest admissions news and events and to have a chance to be our next Thank You Thursday winner.

To apply or not apply. That is the question many of you are asking yourselves as admissions deadlines approach. Is it time to go for the MBA? The JD? MD? PhD?

Here’s the answer: it depends.

I know that’s a cop out, but it’s true. It really depends on you, your circumstances, and your goals. I’ve seen too many people—clients, friends, and others—target degrees that ultimately don’t make sense for them. And with today’s unprecedented (in our lifetimes) economic challenges, making the right decision about how to spend the next one to eight (PhD’s can take that long) years of your life is even more crucial.

As someone on his fourth career—counting at-home dad—I should know. My full bio’s elsewhere on this site, but I went straight from undergrad to a PhD program in clinical psychology. It took six years to complete the degree and less than six months for me to leave the field, afterward. Do I regret doing my PhD? Not really: it helped me secure a management consulting position and writing work in academia; and those three letters do look nice on business cards. Do I wish I’d thought more about my strengths and interests and gotten more professional experience before taking that six-year plunge? Absolutely.

In that spirit, let me offer some thoughts on each major graduate degree, and what to think about as you consider applying.

PhD: Having earned one, I think the best reason to pursue a PhD is to secure a career in academia. For professorships at big-name research institutes, it’s the only way in. Sure, people go into industry after becoming this “other kind” of doctor, but I would argue that they don’t need the degree to get there, and even that their time would be better spent gaining real-world experience. Beyond that goal issue, this is the right degree for you if you live and breathe research—using data of all kinds to build on existing theories, generate new ones, and explain phenomena. You should love all things research, including debating theory and methodology with others, to be a serious PhD candidate. As you can imagine, earning a PhD also takes tremendous discipline—for that matter, so does being a professor. It’s not for those who need a lot of structure and guidance.

MBA: The vast majority of my clients are MBA applicants. I help most write very specific goals into their essays. My guess is that post-MBA very few end up doing exactly what they say they will. That tells you several things, one of which is that this is a strong all-purpose degree, and not just for the business world. What other degree turns out so many bankers, consultants, non-profit heads, marketers, operations consultants, policymakers, and so on? None. So there are many good reasons to get the degree, which takes the least time of any advanced degree (one to two years) and generates a lot of job opportunities. Even today. Beyond recruiting, MBA programs endow students with fantastic networks—some debate this point, but I’ve seen how much my friends, colleagues, and even my wife (Kellogg MBA) have benefited from b-school contacts. Any reasons not to go? If business or related fields aren’t really your thing—as I discovered as a strategy consultant—don’t go. If you hate structure and data-based problem-solving and team projects, don’t go.

MD: My brother, both brothers-in-law, and many, many friends are doctors—not med students, not residents, not fellows, but practicing doctors. Most hate how long it took for them to get to this point: they watched friends make “real money” for years while they worked impossibly long hours for little monetary reward. Now, most love what they do, and are thrilled to be in such a stable field that allows them to truly help people while making a reasonable living. But is it for you? I think it comes down to enjoying solving the problems that doctors solve. That sounds self-evident, but I think people forget, especially after all the TV shows that highlight the profession’s highest and lowest moments, that in the end it’s often you in a room with patients and/or other doctors, trying figure out how to diagnose and treat a given set of symptoms. Are you good at that kind of pattern-matching-based problem-solving? Are you okay with the idea of dissecting a cadaver (you have to, in med school)? Do you mind dealing with people often at their worst (other than pathology, radiology, and maybe some other specialties, you’ll have to)? Ask yourself these questions to understand if you’d be happy as a physician.

JD: I know the least about this grad degree. But I do know that a very large number of trained lawyers do not work as attorneys—many are in the business world and elsewhere. That tells me at least a couple things: one, that getting a job as an attorney may be difficult, given supply and demand (it’s definitely a bad job market for lawyers right now); two, that many people rush into law school without really knowing if they want to be lawyers. So think hard about it. Maybe it makes sense to work in the field before committing to grad school. Research what attorneys do, day to day. Again, TV has glamorized litigation (i.e., trial work), but many lawyers rarely set foot in the courtroom. If you find a path that seems to match your skills and interests well, it’s a good sign.

The bottom line: think hard about your grad-school decision. Don’t get a degree because you feel you “should” or you don’t have a lot of other options. If and when you decide a graduate degree is the way to go, my fellow editors and I would be happy to help you make it happen.

By Dr. Sachin Waikar, formerly a McKinsey consultant and now an author and advisor to business and grad school applicants.

The only 2010 MBA Admissions Telethon before the round 2 deadlines is this Monday. MBA applicants applying round 2 or later are welcome to participate this Monday, November 23, 2009 between 12:00 PM - 2:00 PM PT / 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM ET/ 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM GMT.

Ahh, you ask, "What is the MBA Admissions Telethon?" Good question. It is a free, innovative Accepted.com program providing direction and advice to 2010 applicants.

"Nice-sounding buzz, but what is it?"

Two hours when 12 MBA admissions experts will be available to answer your individual questions via telephone. Free. Prior to calling in, you will receive a brief, 6-question questionnaire and submit it along with your resume to a designated email address. (No essays, please.) When you call in, your consultant will review the information you provide, and you will have 15 minutes to discuss with him or her your most pressing MBA admissions questions.

It's free, easy, and requires only a telephone. Oh yes, you do need to register. You can do so and obtain additional details at 2010 MBA Admissions Telethon.